|
Forgive me for I have sinned.
|
Mar 8, 2012 7:22 am
299 Views
|
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see if you qualify. #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a costume party."
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
|
Mozart Decomposing
|
Mar 6, 2012 9:06 pm
253 Views
|
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
A Bunny Story
|
Mar 6, 2012 12:48 am
300 Views
|
Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny.
The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!"
The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convertible. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault."
The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.
Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"
The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
|
Proud to be a WOMAN
|
Feb 28, 2012 9:27 am
390 Views
|
Women have strengths that amaze men.....
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in..
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give..
This goes out to all the Ladies, keep keeping on cuz u r beautifully and wonderfully made
|
|
|
13
Comments
|
|
|
Famous quotes twisted up
|
Feb 25, 2012 10:29 pm
385 Views
|
Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day!
Teach him how to fish, he will be drinking beer on a boat all summer.
They say two is company and three is a crowd,
They say two is company and three is an extra expense
Pride goes before a fall
so does twenty shots of tequila
A friend in need is a friend indeed
A friend in need is a pain indeed
When a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing
When a man finds a wife, he should find a good lawyer.
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
|
Valentine's Day Dream
|
Feb 25, 2012 3:35 am
355 Views
|
On valentines day, a woman woke up and told her husband, “I just dreamed you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means dear?”
"You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
|
Breads for Crummy Sins
|
Feb 23, 2012 9:16 am
366 Views
|
I read once that a certain religion throws bread crumbs in the ocean, stream or river as an act of atoning for their sins, believing that as the fishes eat the bread, their sins would be forgiven.
Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors.
For ordinary sins.....................White Bread
For complex sins......................Multigrain
For twisted sins......................Pretzels
For sins of indecision................Waffles
For sins of chutzpah..................Fresh Bread
For committing auto theft.............Caraway
For timidity/cowardice................Milk Toast
For ill-temperedness..................Sourdough
For silliness, eccentricity...........Nut Bread
For war-mongering.....................Kaiser Rolls
For jingoism, chauvinism..............Yankee Doodles
For excessive irony...................Rye Bread
For erotic sins.......................French Bread
For particularly dark sins............Pumpernickel
For dressing immodestly...............Tarts
For causing injury to others..........Tortes
For being holier than thou............Bagels
For abrasiveness......................Grits
For dropping in without notice........Popovers
For overeating........................Stuffing
For pride and egotism.................Puff Pastry
For trashing the environment..........Dumplings
For telling bad jokes/puns............Corn Bread
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
|
Crazy Stupid Love .....
|
Feb 22, 2012 12:04 pm
449 Views
|
Women are the most wonderful creatures ever created by God, but m sure God himself has a hard time figuring them out cuz "we are so complicated....lol
Just when you think you are getting to inderstand how a lady's brain works, you hit a brick wall (then get hit by everything else and the kitchen sink... )
lately a friend of mine from collage had been giving me the ups bout this guy she met last year. She seriously has the hots for this dude, but she didnt want him to know. they would always chat online, call each other (you know!!!! all our basic means of communication......I LOVE TECHNOLOGY....)
Anyway they keep in touch well. On her birthday last year, he gave her a call after not communicating for a number of weeks, she was estatic , like a kid that was taen to a candy shop and left to do as she pleased. Omg she couldnt stop ranting bout this guy, and who had to listen to all her chattering...!!! ME
Now a little background on my friend here: HOT BABE!! , Rocking bod.. , very smart and fun to hang out with , she is very hardworking, very sensitive, and she had never actually met this dude... WHY???? because he is in India, and she is here.
So back to the birthday.....yeah she went on and on bout how cute he was, how funny, very intellectual and so on and so forth (i must say though he is a good looking HUNK....he he he ). By the time she had cooled down bout this dude, almost 2 months had passed and again they neither spoke, emailed or chat online with each other; well on her part it was cuz of all the heavy studying and exams we had to take (if some of you friends of mine noticed I have not been too popular here in a long while either....cuz of studying...no worries, when m done n i start my million dollar job, we will buy and Island and rock till we drop..).
A few days ago, my dear friend calls me crying!!!, I was worried n asked her what was up. She said the dude called her and they chat online for like 12 hours ( 12 F@#KING hours???? how much do u need to tell a guy??? what kinda guy chats with a chick for half a day online?....i thought my girl must have really made an impression on this dude.... ). Not really understanding what she was saying cuz of her constatnt subbing, i was able to figure out that the dude also had the hots for her, but was kinda scared and shy of letting her know, and finally he couldnt hold back. HE PROPOSED TO HER OVER THE PHONE.!!!!(mind u, they were talking on the phone and chatting online at the same time... )aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhh!!!!!
they both were spilling out their hearts to each other (hopeles romantics) and then he proposed, wanted her to meet his mum and dad (now when a guy wants you to meet his mum, he trust you, but when he wants you to meet his mum n dad! he certainly must be in love with you). He talked to her bout wanting to meet her mum, n how he was in the process of comming to see her here!!!, in the course of them exchanging details, they began to share secrets and let each other know their dirty laundry, plus other really personal stuff, n then she realized she had never really asked to know how old he was, and he told her, n then it happened.
She froze!!! she just froze!!! talk about a wake up call, now it seemed she got hit by a ton of bricks....
Turns out that she is like 10yrs older than this dude...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(I know that for us here in America, the culture and society doesnt really emphasize on age as a factor for getting married, except youre a minor/bellow 18yrs, in some states, its 16yrs. But over there in India, if m not mistaking, its quite unusual to see a lady marry a man way younger than she is, pls correct me if m wrong!!)
N so it happened, she turned his offer down, she said she didnt think it was proper for her to accept his marriage proposal even though she knew in her heart thats she loves him dearly. She told him it would be impolite to his parents and she would rather he made them happy...(so my friend tossed her dreams down the river for the sake of a culture thta want even hers.....talk about respect!!!!  )
She is still devastated, but chats with her boo every now n then, I still am her shoulder to cry on, and i dont even know where to start or what to tell her.
So! you have read my story, what do u think they should do?, what can I tell her???
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (MayE) use [blog MayE] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
62
|
7
|
81
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
Most Recent Comments by Others
|
