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NO FUN
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May 15, 2012 3:31 am
65 Views
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IT JUST ISN'T THE SAME WITHOUT OUR JES..... 
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5
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GIVE ME A PUSH
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May 13, 2012 11:54 pm
44 Views
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A man and his wife are awoken at 3 o'clock in the morning by a knock on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He closes the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asks his wife.
"Just a stranger asking for a push" he answers. "Did you help him? she asks. "No I didn't -- it's three in the morning" "Well you've got a short memory" says his wife, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us?. I think you should help him." The man does as he is told and returns to the front door and calls out into the dark "Hello -- are you still there?" "Yes", comes the answer. "Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband "Over here on the swing" the man replies.
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1
comment
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TO DO LIST
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May 10, 2012 1:13 am
124 Views
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I am gonna make a list of things I wanna do before I die....THE MOST DARING , MOST RIDICULOUS, MOST SCANDALOUS, MOST STUPID, MMMMMMM anymore????????/
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10
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LOST CAT? NO LOST MAN
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May 7, 2012 6:03 am
116 Views
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A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I’m lost and need directions!"
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9
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two blondes are better then one
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May 2, 2012 6:45 am
171 Views
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2 blondes approach a river.
One blonde yells to the other blonde who is on the other side, "How do I get to the other side"
The blonde on the other side answers "You are on the other side".........
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4
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RIGHT PLACE
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Apr 29, 2012 10:56 pm
206 Views
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A mother and a baby camel were lazing around, and suddenly the baby camel asked -
Baby : Mother, mother, may I ask you some questions?
Mother : Sure! Why son, is there something bothering you?
Baby : Why do camels have those great big humps on their backs ?
Mother : Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water.... We can go on long treks across the deserts without drinking for extended periods...
Baby : Okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded, wiith those huge three toed feet ?
Mother : Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert. They help you stay on top of the soft sand... You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone does ! Said the mother proudly.
Baby : Okay, then why are our eyelashes long? Sometimes it bothers my sight.
Mother : My son, those long thick eyelashes are your protective cover. They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind. Said mother camel with eyes gleaming with pride....
Baby : I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert sand and these eye lashes protects my eyes from the desert winds.... But Mom......
Mother : (Getting a little impatient...) Tell me boy, something is still bothering you... ????
Baby : Then Mom... what the hell are we doing here in this goddamn Zzzoooooo ???
MORAL OF THE STORY : "Skills, knowledge, abilities and experiences are of value only if you are at the right place" (Where are you right now ????????)
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7
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PUT THE GLASS DOWN
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Apr 28, 2012 6:12 am
217 Views
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A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.
He held it up for all to see; asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?'
'50gms!' .... '100gms!' ......'125gms' ......the students answered.
'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor,'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'
'Nothing' the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students..
'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'
'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress; paralysis;
Have to go to hospital for sure!'ventured another student; all the students laughed.
'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?' asked
The professor. 'No' the students said.
Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?'
The students were puzzled.
'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.
'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep.
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!'
Remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY
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9
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OLYMPICS AT IFF
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Apr 24, 2012 9:49 pm
281 Views
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Could not help but notice...there were 14 posts by various members posted on the 25th of April....
Out of the 14 7 were about sword fighting? boxing? mud wrestling?spitting AT each other?..archery.?.....WOW!!!!!! OLYMPICS AT IFF NOT LONDON ANYMORE????????????
ARE THE GOLD MEDALS READY!!!!!!!!         X  
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11
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OLD AGE
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Apr 16, 2012 8:29 pm
305 Views
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An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry.immediately said "yes".
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..."
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal.
"Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."
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5
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